We love answering questions about Lanzarote, and we spend a lot of time on social media doing just that.

We don’t think any questions are stupid, but occasionally, we do get some poorly thought-through questions, and when we do, we like to have some fun with our answers.

Can you tell me what the weather will be like from 13th to 20th March?

That far ahead, the only thing we can rule out is snow!

OMG! I didn’t know it snowed there. Will we get rain?

How big is a Renault Clio in Lanzarote?

The same size as the ones there.

No, I mean how big is the boot?

I just Google’d it for you – 300 litres.

So will three suitcases fit in it?

Depends how big the suitcases are.

I’ll get the measurements for you.

Please don’t…..

Can you buy baby milk and nappies there?

Yes. We have babies here too.

Your advert says the shops are 500 metres from the villa, how far is that?

What measurement would you like?

How long will it take to walk?

At an average walking pace, less than 10 minutes

But what about at my walking pace?

Tell us what your walking pace is, and we can calculate it for you.

I have no idea.

Could there be an eruption while we’re there?

Unlikely, we haven’t had one since 1824.

So you’re probably due another one then?

How far is it from Puerto del Carmen to Arrecife?

About 20 KM.

No, I mean how long does it take?

Depends how you’re travelling?

There will be 3 of us.

Is there a bus service from here to Puerto del Carmen?

Where is “here?”

My hotel would be ideal, but I don’t mind walking to a bus stop.

Yes, but where are you staying?

In a hotel in Lanzarote!!!!

If you tell us which hotel you are staying in, we can answer your question.

Can I use English money there?

No, the currency here is the Euro.

So I can’t use pounds then? Why is that?

I want to book a sea view room, but they only have ocean view, why is that?

It’s still a sea view, but we are in The Atlantic Ocean, so we call it an ocean view.

Is there any sea round Lanzarote then?

We want to visit The Green Caves. Is much of it underground, as my partner gets claustrophobic?

Yes, they are caves, its all underground.

Can you tell me why Lanzarote keeps putting the Euro up???

I have no idea where to start answering your question. Please Google “International currency markets,” and come back later.

Are there any places in Lanzarote that are undiscovered?

Possibly, but nobody knows about them yet – they haven’t been discovered..

Can we buy British milk there?

No sorry, all the cows here are Spanish. We did have a British cow once, but the bulls didn’t fancy Henrietta, so she went home.

Here are some quick tips for first time visitors to Lanzarote.